a new mom's reflection.

{Mommy and 2 months old Darrell}

Now that Darrell is 2 months old, I can see things a bit more clearly. Life has been pretty blurry before this! I've been reflecting a lot about what has happened to my life, now that Darrell is here. I've also been reflecting on things that I learned during the past 2 months.

#1 Breastfeeding is hands-down the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Even compared to giving birth. I regret that my first week with Darrell was filled with sobby and tearful moments. I can still remember the image on my mind vividly when I tried to bear with the pain as my crying Darrell latched on. It hurt so bad, I cried hard. He cried even harder. I wanted to feed my hungry baby, but it hurt so badly. It was so discouraging to read all the breastfeeding articles that says breastfeeding doesn't hurt when the baby has a good latch. I'm pretty sure I had a good latch. It just really hurt because I was already cracked and blistered while Darrell nursed non-stop without giving me time to heal. On day 5, I was ready to open a can of the sample formula I got. It was the day of Darrell's Dr appointment due to his jaundice. We went to the doctor and she encouraged me to hang in there and held on. She recommended me to use nipple shield so that my nipples could heal, while Darrell can still be fed from the breast. That saved me from opening that can of formula. I thank God every time I remember this. By around 6 weeks, breastfeeding hurts no more. It's such a beautiful and rewarding experience. It's such a wonderful feeling to know that my milk contributes to Darrell's growth!

#2 Kids grow up fast. And before I have Darrell, I can't understood it when people say this. Now I do. Even with 2GB photos already, I feel like I should have taken more pictures of my baby boy! It's so crazy but it seems like he grows and changes everyday. I was just looking at his newborn picture the other day and compare it to him right now. I really miss my tiny newborn baby boy with his sleepy eyes and wrinkly feet! I regret that I didn't set up a time to take his newborn pictures professionally. I was so struggling and caught up with postpartum issues and breastfeeding that it never occurred to me to do that :(

#3 I have not had any sleep. I mean, I have not had any nice sleep. I know that having a baby and sleepless nights are pretty much hand in hand, but sleepless night is so underrated. I miss having 8 hours of sleep. A proper, nice sleep where I could actually lay down to sleep Darrell is exclusively breastfed and he eats every 1 - 3 hours. The longest sleep stretch I have had is 4 hours at night. There are times that he's gassy and colicky, and that's just worst. I wouldn't expect any sleep on nights like that. However, he's been doing pretty well for the past couple days. I'm crossing my finger that someday I will get my 6 or even 5 hours of sleep! :)